I have absolutely no desire for more children. I think in some ways even more so for women since we are still judged so harshly by mainstream society for not wanting kids. I have been thankful for the people in my life who have been understanding and nonjudgmental about my choice. But it makes my dating life incredibly difficult which is why I have only had a small handful of relationships and typically only go only a few dates a year. Now, when dealing with the childrenof the relationship, things can get a bit weird.
If that wasn’t enough, now even men’s greatest source of dating motivation has been co-opted by pornography. While women reap the benefit of the online attention, men are left wondering how the dating pool has gotten so far out of reach. Consequently, those same women who are marketing themselves as something they’re not are left without a partner and wondering where all the good men have gone. Through social media, both sexes are conditioned to treat themselves as a number instead of embracing true human connection and partnership.
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Some, including actress Kim Cattrall, find the description offensive. She set out to answer that question by interviewing 21 women and 10 men who also chose to be childfree. It’s a small sample, but the study offers a good glimpse into people’s decision-making, Blackstone noted.
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They interviewed potential egg and/or sperm donors, chose a donor. In the last few years, one way or another, they all had children. Even women who say that they’re willing to date men with teenage kids have rejected me because my children are ‘too young’ or one woman said ‘they’d interfere with our time together’. I am 37F with no kids and have had a complicated view on this.
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All those child-free years we had together feel forsaken. That freedom to hit the salsa club on a weeknight, those casual text invitations to same-day happy jSwipe alternative hours. All that time I was valuing that lifestyle, cherishing it and my friends in it, what was it to them, that they can so decisively change it?
About 15 percent of U.S. women and 24 percent of men have no children by the time they reach 40, according to the National Survey of Family Growth. Discover new workout ideas, healthy-eating recipes, makeup looks, skin-care advice, the best beauty products and tips, trends, and more from SELF. “I don’t want my worth as a woman to hinge on my choice to have or not have children.” “The worst part is feeling alienated from my best friends.” I was recently working in a café when a dad strolled in with his toddler daughter.
It takes a lot to be a good parent so if somebody doesn’t feel that pull, that’s perfectly OK. This doesn’t mean child-free people necessarily have perfect relationships or better relationships than parents. But in my own case, I do recognize that I would be giving something up in terms of my ability to feel close with my partner and nurture that relationship. It’s interesting that you have had trouble finding men. I have an excellent coparenting relationship and due to the specifics of my work situation, my kids are really only with me summers and school holidays.
There are tons of other options out there, including regular dating apps and websites. You can just make it clear that you are childfree on your profile or from the start. Wondering how to date in the modern world when you know you don’t want kids? Here are a few childfree dating apps and website to check out. “I really think that the world is against the child right now. At this time in our social structure right now it’s not going to be a good thing to have children.
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And I hate to admit it, but I considered it, mostly because I didn’t even know what reddit was at the time, so I didn’t have this community to feel like I wasn’t the only one. Now, here on this subreddit, I have found my people. What I struggle the most to understand is why women — mothers — have so often felt compelled to urge me to join their ranks.
CF people don’t need to be in a rush to find partners, so your timelines are totally different than what you see around you. Shift your focus on investing in yourself and your future, and then the other great people will reveal themselves in time. And here’s where I feel bound to lay out all the reasons to please not hate me for not having kids. No answer is the right answer because if this is a person who will ask such a profoundly personal question, it’s a person who won’t find any response — let alone my fumbled, “umm, because I don’t want to,” satisfactory. Worse, they seem to take it as a personal mission to convince me I don’t know my own mind.
Many of the study participants carefully observed others in their circle who became parents and didn’t like what they saw. I didn’t like how other people’s lives changed when they had kids. “Most people who have children don’t even think about it, they just have them,” a woman added. “People who have decided not to have kids arguably have been more thoughtful than those who decided to have kids. It’s deliberate,” a male study participant said.
If childfree men were 1/1000, it would be worth the wait and effort to avoid all that. We had too many differences at the end of the day. I’m glad that person’s your ex-friend because no true friend would tell you to lower your standards. If you are not in a major city, consider moving to a major city (maybe wait until post-pandemic). It says something about how desperate they are that they assume everyone eventually gives up on having anything they want out of life and just settles for whatever’s available.
Research has shown that taking more loving actions can make couples feel more in love. A recent review looked at research on personality and food preferences, uncovering nine things that our tastes may reveal about our personality. The men stated that it was not suitable to bring a child into a “cruel” world. Other concerns included “overpopulation,” “an energy crisis,” and “climate change” (p. 11). And how being childfree relates to their identity, according to new research.
